I never realised how essential something could be until I actually started using it. That is exactly how I feel about Direct Payments.
You know that old saying, “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll always get what you’re getting”. I’d heard it plenty of times and thought I understood it. But recently, it landed differently. It stopped being a saying and became a mirror.
For years, my health was quietly getting worse. Nothing dramatic at first, just small changes adding up. I carried on regardless, doing what carers so often do. I kept going. I even reminded other carers to look after themselves, while completely ignoring my own advice. Funny how that works, isn’t it.
Last year, I had a fall. Not from tripping over something, I just collapsed. That moment felt like a line being drawn. From then on, the signs were harder to ignore. I fell more times after that, sometimes needing help from complete strangers just to get back on my feet. One time, I fell in my bedroom and couldn’t get up at all. My youngest, who has additional needs, tried his best to help me but couldn’t. He did what made sense to him and video called his older brother so he could see where I was. My eldest came straight away and lifted me up.
What I didn’t know at the time was that my youngest had taken a photo and put it on Facebook. I found out later when a family member rang to check if I was okay. The post was deleted very quickly, but the moment stayed with me. It was embarrassing, upsetting, and also a bit of a wake-up call.
Not long after, I nearly fell again just trying to get from my bedroom to the bathroom. That was the point where I thought, “I can’t pretend this is fine anymore.” I referred myself to Adult Social Services through the Local Authority’s online portal. The response was quicker than I expected. Within days, I had a phone call to arrange a visit. In under three weeks, I was told I qualified for Direct Payments to support the life I wanted to lead.
That news felt huge. Genuinely huge.
Around the same time, the Occupational Therapist team arranged for what I affectionately call my “ballerina bar” to be installed between my bedroom and the bathroom. It might sound small, but it made an immediate difference. It gave me confidence, and it gave my eldest son some peace of mind too. Sometimes support is not about big gestures. Sometimes it is about holding on safely and staying upright.
I never expected to be eligible for Direct Payments. I’ve always been fiercely independent and I rarely ask for help. Needing support felt strange, uncomfortable even. But what surprised me was how practical and flexible Direct Payments turned out to be. The hardest part at the start, was finding someone who could meet my specific needs. Once that was sorted, everything else felt far more manageable.
Direct Payments will not be right for everyone, and they are not a magic fix. But right now, they are fixing what I need them to fix. They’ve helped me make informed choices, keep control over my decisions, and hold on to my independence in a way that feels respectful, not diminishing.
As someone once said, “Independence is not about doing everything alone, it’s about choosing how you’re supported.” And that, for me, has made all the difference.
